Smile Notes - Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Tony Brigmon says ... [To follow daily Tony-isms on Twitter, click here]

Tony Brigmon says: If your idea of exercise is to get in the tub, fill it with water, pull the plug and fight the current - good luck with that!

Tony Brigmon says: If you can't be a friend to your whole self, at least be a friend to that part of you who loves desserts!

Tony Brigmon says: I have 2 jobs. One, doing what I'm told outside the home. The other, what I'm told inside. Job 1 has better pay. Job 2 - better perks!

Tony Brigmon says: We are what we think? Hmmm ... If that were true, I'd be a Double-stuff Oreo. How we think affects us for better or worse? Yes!

Tony Brigmon says: Never put "I was fired" on your resume. Instead put, "Achieved a major adjustment to employment status, which delighted my employer!"

~~~

[The following was shared with me by alert humor finder Vance Akinaka.]

Mr. Kamaka lived alone on the Eastside of Oahu, known to all as Kahaluu.

He wanted to dig his taro patch, but it was very hard work because the ground was too hard. His only son, Kimo, who used to help him, was in Halawa prison. The old man wrote a letter to Kimo and explained his predicament...

Dear Kimo,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my taro patch this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up this hard soil. I know if you were here you would be happy to dig the patch for me and it wouldn't be a problem.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son...

Dear Dad,
No dig up the dirt in the taro patch. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Kimo

At 4 A.M. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and an army of men dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

Later that same week Mr. Kamaka received another letter from Kimo...

Dear Dad,
You can go ahead and plant your taro now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Take care of the taro.
Love you, Kimo

~~~

[Shared with me by alert humor finder Sunnye Clark. An old couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic and spotted a piano. They've been married for 62 years and he'll be 90 this year. It's all attitude. Enjoy!]

Smile Notes - Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Tony-isms ... To follow daily Tony-isms on Twitter, click here.

Tony Brigmon says: All we really need is for the 'me' generation to meet the 'you' generation – so everybody can be happy!

Tony Brigmon says: Sure, you can teach old dogs new tricks - but most old dogs don't need 'em - because experience has taught 'em what really works!

Tony Brigmon says: Pets don't talk back, but they can help you with kids who do - till you get to the grand kids - who will pay back your kids for you!

Tony Brigmon says: You can either be prudent in your spending – or a student of doing without!

Tony Brigmon says: When life no longer interests you, you’re OLD - regardless of actual age. You may not be dead yet – but you'll have all the symptoms!

~~~

[Speaking of old dogs, the following was shared with me by alert humor finder Mary Ann McAlister. Enjoy.]

One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... 'Where's that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs ... Age and skill will always win over come youth and treachery! Cunning and brilliance come with age and experience.

Smile Notes - Thursday, April 30, 2009

Tony-isms ... To follow Tony-isms on Twitter, click here.

Tony Brigmon says: No, you don't have to RSVP a "Drop Dead!" invitation!

Tony Brigmon says: Wife says to husband, "This may be painful, but it's true. There's about 50 pounds of you I'm not legally married to!"

Tony Brigmon says: Ego-nomics is just not economical. Leave your ego at the door - you won't need it anymore. Confidence - yes. Ego - no!

Tony Brigmon says: How high you bounce after you hit bottom depends on how fast you get off your bottom after the hit. Get up. Shake it off. Bounce!

Tony Brigmon says: Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know how good they are till you try one, or how sick you can get till you try ALL of them!

~~~

[Jay Leno with child prodigy Ethan Bortnick. Very funny and inspiring!]

Smile Notes - Thursday, April 23, 2009

Tony-isms ... To follow Tony-isms on Twitter, click this link.

Tony Brigmon says: A "fructose-sweetened beverage" is just a fancy way of saying, "There's enough sugar in this stuff to kill ya!"

Tony Brigmon says: A bad dude in a bad mood said to me, "How would you like it if I rearranged your face?" I declined the offer and I didn't lose face!

Tony Brigmon says: A guy once told me: "Your opinion of me is really none of my business!" which helped me get out of his business and back into mine!

Tony Brigmon says: Sometimes a firm "No!" needs no explanation. And any attempt to do so would only soften the declaration!

Tony Brigmon says: How I was finally cured of making insensitive remarks: 1 remark - 2 remarks - 3 remarks - ((Whack!)) - FLOOR!

~~~

Hilarious dental skit by Tim Conway and Harvey Korman. Enjoy.

Smile Notes - Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Apologize for the delay in posting SmileNotes. Have have some major distractions with other fun things. Enjoy.

[The following was shared with me by alert humor finder Rob Ghio.]

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.

She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'

The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

~~~

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

~~~

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

~~~

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful.

CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt... USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him.

'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

~~~

[Saw the following on YouTube. May have shared this in the past - just can't remember. Describes me perfectly.]



~~~

For you Twitter users, here are some recent "Tony Brigmon Says" entries ...


TonyBrigmon says: I want the following words inscribed on my cemetery headstone: "I told you I was sick!"

TonyBrigmon says: Double-Trouble is what you get when you don't handle the first trouble and it returns with a friend.

TonyBrigmon says: Okay, it's not ALL about ME. But couldn't PART of it be about me?

Smile Notes - Thursday, November 20, 2008

[The following was shared with me by Rob Ghio.]

Rob Ghio wrote: This is a different image for the Dallas Cowboys. A sports figure you actually can feel good about being a fan of. Check out this article.

Very inspiring! What Tony Romo did is something we all can do when the situation presents itself. Our presence is often the greatest present.

~~~

[The following was shared with me by alert humor finder Sunnye Clark.]



~~~

Quote of the Day ...

"If my nose was running money I'd blow it all on you." - Lyrics in a song by Mike Snider

~~~

Happy holidays ...
From Tony Brigmon
Ambassador of FUN
Tony Tunes
Celebrity Rhymes

Smile Notes - Monday, November 17, 2008

The following was shared with me by alert humor finder Rob Ghio.








~~~
[Saw the following at http://archives.gophercentral.com]

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ...

"Don't worry, I can stay out late tonight," Joe told his friend Bob. "My wife's gone for a two-week vacation in the Caribbean."

"Jamaica?" Bob asked.

"No, it was her idea."

~~~
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ...

Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup.

"I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor
says.

"What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks.

"I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."

~~~
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ...

A guest at dinner noticed the small family dog looking hungrily at every bite she took. Finally she took a small piece of meat from her plate and held it up for him.

"Speak!" she said to the dog.

The dog answered, "Under the circumstances, I hardly know what to say!"

~~~

Ralph and Norton Play Pool - TV Comedy Classics...

~~~
Happy holidays ...
From Tony Brigmon
Ambassador of FUN
Tony Tunes
Celebrity Rhymes