"The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made."
"Always borrow money from a pessimist -they don't expect to be paid back.":
"The hypochondriac's epitaph: NOW do you believe me?????"
"I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up the idea - they have no holidays (Henny Youngman)
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours." (Yogi Berra)
"Roses are red, violets are blue,
Some poems rhyme,
But this one doesn't."
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." (Yogi Berra)
"I have enough money to last me for the rest of my life - unless I buy something." (Jackie Mason)
"There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count and those who can't."
"There are two rules for success: Never tell everything you know."
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did -in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming - like the passengers in his car."
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