Friday, October 7, 2011

The next time you're bored ...

[The following video was shared with me by alert humor-finder Darlene Jensen]

The next time you're bored and have nothing better to do, go to a public place, get out your cell phone, don't turn it on, but speak into it like the guy in this video.

Click on cell phone and see what I mean ...

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Guaranteed to roll your eyes ...

My job search (Shared with me by alert humor-finder Mary Ann McAllister)

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned.  Couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor,  but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it ... couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory.  Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job..

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.  

15. So, I tried RETIREMENT and I found I'm PERFECT for the job!

Smile Quotes

"The secret to success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Always borrow money from a pessimist -they don't expect to be paid back.":

"The hypochondriac's epitaph:  NOW do you believe me?????"
"I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up the idea - they have no holidays (Henny Youngman)

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours." (Yogi Berra)

"Roses are red, violets are blue, 
Some poems rhyme, 
But this one doesn't."

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."   (Yogi Berra)

"I have enough money to last me for the rest of my life - unless I buy something." (Jackie Mason)

"There are three kinds of people in this world:  Those who can count and those who can't."

"There are two rules for success: Never tell everything you know."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did -in his sleep.  Not  yelling and screaming - like the passengers in his car."

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!

There's a story told about Ken and his wife Edna.  They went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter'.

Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks. And fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, and Ken said, 'Edna, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Edna replied, "Ken that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word, I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'  Ken and Edna agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word ...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Ken and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Ken said, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out ...

... but you know, "Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'

And so it is, sometimes fifty bucks is not 50 bucks - sometimes it's priceless.  Especially when it means you get to live a dream.  Go for your dreams.  Follow your bliss, because if you don't, oh how much you will miss.